Things are going to get real

I usually try to keep things pretty up beat on this blog. But today is not an upbeat kind of day. Today is one of those days that remind you why people hate mormon mommy blogs. My life is not perfect, i I do not spend hours baking and cleaning followed by carefully planned crafts that will teach my son to read.Most days I am content to let my son eat dry cereal and watch tv in his pajamas for hours while I ignore the laundry and pin organizational tips on Pinterest.  I wish today was that good. Right now it is almost noon and my son and I are still lying in my bed, both on our perspective iPads. I have no motivation to get out of bed, let alone shower, eat or clean my house. I hate to admit it, but this has been the norm for a while now. 2013 has not been good to me. I have spent the last six month in and out of the hospital, poked, prodded, X-rayed, and drugged. My newest health crisis has meant that I have to go off of almost all my psychological medications. Going from a perfectly tunned cocktail of six different drugs that keep me sane and functional to mishmash of two drugs that may or may not help,is not a very fun thing to do. Add on to that the fact that they are also messing with my birth control, I am a bit of a mess. It's like PMS on steroids.
Everything that has gone wrong in the last three years of my life, suddenly feels fresh and new. ( I am told this is not uncommon when you go off your meds). And let me assure you, the last three years of my life have been no picnic. I am only 28 years old, but have endured more in terms of emotional and physical pain, heartbreak, mental torment  and spiritual anguish in the last three years than most people my age have dealt with in their entire life. Am I a stronger person because of it? Absolutely. Have I learned from it? Definitely. Would I wish it only worst enemy? ....... Probably not.
So here I sit, plagued by emotions that I thought I had dealt with and should not be currently relevant.  I am so hormonal I found myself crying during America's Got Talent! (  P.S I love you didn't even make me cry!)  I have horrible headaches from detoxing  from certain medications. My body is gearing up to have its first period in over six months (this on top of the fact that my endometriosis is out of control) And I need to have my house packed and most of our belongings sold in about six weeks!
So ya..... life is great here at the Stout home. In all seriousness though, I do have a lot to be grateful for right now. Allen is actually dealing with my current craziness rather well. Miles is usually well behaved and doesn't seem to mind the extra time on his iPad. I have health insurance to pay for all my health issues. My in-laws helped  finance a new car for us, so we can actually make it to Dekalb. And I have faith that this too shall pass.


Maybe I'll go take a shower now.